An Army of Crows…
An army of crows landed on my windowsill at 6 am this morning.
I know how dramatic it sounds, but it’s a fact. I didn’t even have to witness it with my eyes to know it to be true. The usual gathering on my roof is with pigeons, but today it was the sudden and urgent rush of wings and ‘cawing’ sounds that had my attention, a black army swarming to wake me from my slumber.
A bad omen? A blessing? A curse?
What I do know is that it is a sign of change.
The past 5 days have been very strange for me; it’s almost as though I’ve been turned inside out. Quite frankly, that supermoon came and hit me with a force that I wasn’t ready for: bringing up deeep and outdated feelings of anxiety, fear, and inadequacy I thought I had purged, but clearly, there is still more work to do.
As much as I get annoyed with the Moon and frustrated that she is so powerful that her energy can ripple through me, I am also grateful for all that she illuminates and what that force allows to come bubbling up to the surface from the ugly, goblin levels of my being. There is clearly some pain and fear locked in the dungeons of me that (apparently) I am now ready to face, but have been avoiding recently…
Insecure that I don’t have a home. Feeling like I am lacking in personal substance because I am still in the stages of building a successful career. Yearning for a loving partnership, but feeling like I will never be appreciated or met with the level of depth and devotion that my heart will never stop searching for. Wondering.. will I ever be debt-free? Moments when I feel like I am still tiptoeing on the edges of diving into the abyss of total victim mode and feeling like life is an endless well of suffering. Just to name a few of the demons that have been clawing at my skin.
I have also realized today that the Moon is a reflection of the True potential of my own power, and knowing that not only frustrates and triggers me, but I have accepted that that level of power scares me. Why? Because I have been conditioned, brainwashed, beaten down, and belittled over hundreds, if not thousands, of lifetimes into believing that I am nothing more than a slave, a little cog in a machine.
But deep, deeeeep down, I KNOW that I am a magickal, badass Soul in human form.
So, what are the army of crows and the little goblins and demons from the dungeons of my shadows trying to show me?
Well, firstly… No one is coming to save me.
I have to find the strength, power, and perseverance within me to rewrite my story, no matter what it takes.
To unravel the lifetimes of conditioning, break the chains of control, and rebuild an unfuckwithable version of me from the ashes of despair, it’s the only way.
The darkness and shadows can feel ugly and gross as fuck.
But they are where we learn to say “NO” and “NO MORE”…. “NOT TODAY MOTHERFUCKER.”
Love,
Chloe xo
