The Curse of Co-Dependancy.
It’s safe to say that this past year has served me up a royal platter of harsh truths and self-realisations. And that’s exactly what I asked for!
What’s the point of facing our fears and doing all the healing work if we don’t gain knowledge of self in the process (albeit raw and uncomfortable at times)?
So, let’s talk about the curse of co-dependency.
Yesterday, the harsh reality dawned on me that I have spent my whole life bound to an endless cycle of co-dependent relationships. From one inseparable best-friendship to the next, until jumping headfirst into all-encompassing relationships and then back to the friendships again. Desperately seeking purpose. Placing my precious happiness in the hands of another. Addicted to external validation. Always putting another person’s needs before my own. Never thinking for myself or even feeling that I was worth anything.
Why has it taken 36 years for this moment of realization to finally click? Well, around 13 months ago, I broke up with a partner of 3 years, which began this domino effect of self-unravelling. I had to take full responsibility for choosing to stay in a relationship for many years when I did not feel seen, heard, adored, or respected, and admitting this to myself makes me feel sick! However, it ignited a yearning for deeper healing within me, and I made a promise to myself to be totally and completely single, no dating or even entertaining a conversation with any male, for at least 1 year.
And here I am, 13 months later. Still single and actually feeling ready (although a little hesitant) to start dating and having some fun again. The past year has been a total hermit year for me. Sure, I’ve had fun and spent some time with friends, but for the most part, it has been a solitary adventure and quest to get to know the real me more deeply. For the first time EVER in my life, I have been making choices that serve me and no one else, and I am building the life of my dreams on my own terms with no one to influence or control me… and it feels fucking GREAT.
A whole year devoted to loving myself, shining love and awareness into the sad, little wounded parts of me, so that I can finally be the cursebreaker and set myself free from seeking love outside of myself. I feel this is only the start of this journey of empowerment. How I move forward in the world will bring a whole new set of lessons and challenges, but I feel ready to embrace it now, more than ever. I’ve had nowhere to run and hide from my deepest fears and mental programming, which has given me no other option than facing them head-on, becoming the heroine of my own consciousness. It’s fascinating how little power our deepest fears can hold over us once we look at them dead in the eye and tell them to fuck off. Seriously, it works. Life is but a game, and we play a part in its design. Don’t ever forget your power!
So why the co-dependency curse? It’s just a trauma response, babe. Very common and normal, and the sooner we recognise the pattern within ourselves, take hold of it, and break that motherfuker to smithereens, the better!
As with all things, it’s a work in progress.
But, speaking from lifetimes of experience, the more we call our power back, the more whole we feel, the easier it gets to traverse this crazy and beautiful Earth plane!
Admitting to your own shadows is super sexy and badass ;). You’ve got this, I believe in you.
Love,
Chloe xo
